Hazel, Jamie, Jameson, Maureen, Mimi, Thea, Erin
A cast list of the characters both primary and secondary.
Hazel Tellington[]
Hazel Tellington “The Lush”
Secret skill: English degree, hahaha.
Secret weapon: Disdain.
Her secret: She actually likes you.
First appearance: Strip 1
Last appearance: Strip 1994
Jameson[]
Jameson The Hot Barista
Secret skill: Can and will guess your favorite drink.
Secret weapon: French press + thermometer + timer = perfect.
His secret: He’s sensitive.
First appearance: Strip 1
Last appearance: Strip 1985
Jamie McJack[]
Jamie McJack “The Rack”
Secret skill: It’s no secret.
Secret weapon: Tank tops.
Her secret: Mystery romance novels.
First appearance: Strip 2
Last appearance: Strip 1986
Clarice Fitzpatrick[]
Clarice The Domme Librarian
Secret skill: Can guess condom size correctly 90% of the time.
Secret weapon: Scowl Of Doom.
Her secret: Saturday evening domination.
First appearance: Strip 3
Last appearance: Strip 1950
Darren[]
Darren The Lady in Disguise
Secret skill: Six-inch heels.
Secret weapon: Barbasol, lots of it.
His secret: He’s doing Kegels right now.
First appearance: Strip 5
Last appearance: Strip 1879
Thea[]
Thea The Lonely Lesbian
Secret skill: Memorizes the new AP style every year.
Secret weapon: Red pen, bookish charm.
Her secret: She would really like a goddamn girlfriend.
First appearance: Strip 19
Last appearance: Strip 1937
McPedro[]
McPedro The Talking IrishSCIRISH Cactus
Secret skill: Can drink heavily, despite being a cactus.
Secret weapon: His charming accent.
His secret: Gay French mustache.
First appearance: Strip 28
Last appearance: Strip 1969
Maureen[]
Maureen The Blog Girl
(Married to Jameson)
Secret skill: She types faster than you.
Secret weapon: Wrist brace.
Her secret: She kind of enjoys forum drama.
First appearance: Strip 30
Last appearance: Strip 1985
Chris[]
Chris “The Pirate”
Secret skill: Falling in love with everyone.
Secret weapon: Eye patch.
His secret: He likes this girl, see…
First appearance: Strip 121
Last appearance: Strip 1720
Carol[]
Carol (Hazel’s mama)
Secret skill: World’s best mac & cheese.
Secret weapon: Casserole dishes.
Her secret: Reading the new library releases before shelving them.
First appearance: Strip 135
Last appearance: Strip 1969
Candy[]
Candy “The Carnivore”
Secret skill: Ruining everything.
Secret weapon: Meat.
Her secret: She’s just lonely.
First appearance: Strip 144
Last appearance: Strip 1156
Jim[]
Jim “That Guy”
Secret skill: Driving off women.
Secret weapon: Height. He can see you from a mile away.
His secret: He’s even less experienced than you think.
First appearance: Strip 229
Last appearance: Strip 1285
Zach[]
Zach The Studly Cabbie (attached to Hazel)
Secret skill: He’s everybody’s DD.
Secret weapon: A ratchet set and his car manual.
His secret: He’s even nicer than you think.
First appearance: Strip 233
Last appearance: Strip 1729
Angel[]
Angel The Magical Bartender
Secret skill: A drink for every occasion!
Secret weapon: Top-shelf vodka and limes.
Her secret: Monogamous relationships bore her.
First appearance: Strip 497
Last appearance: Strip 1960
Maya[]
Maya (Thea’s sis)
Secret skill: Shrugging off cancer.
Secret weapon: Costume jewelry.
Her secret: Having an adorable daughter gets you lots of free stuff.
First appearance: Strip 596
Last appearance: Strip 1836
Erin[]
Erin …not “Aaron.” (Jamie’s girlfriend)
Secret skill: Turning frowns upside-down!
Secret weapon: Adorable freckled blush.
Her secret: She’s not so sure about sex.
First appearance: Strip 654
Last appearance: Strip 1985
Melody[]
Melody The Quiet Genius (Chris’s girlfriend)
Secret skill: Lip-reading.
Secret weapon: Limitless texting plan.
Her secret: She’s too smart for you.
First appearance: Strip 765
Last appearance: Strip 1642
Mimi[]
Mimi The Lesbian on wheels (Thea’s girlfriend)
Secret skill: A mean step-check.
Secret weapon: Iron bones.
Her secret: Her job involves a lot of dick.
First appearance: Strip 1082
Last appearance: Strip 1937
Tucker[]
Tucker (Dating Fiona)
First appearance: Strip 1181
Last appearance: Strip 1750
Beatrice[]
Beatrice "The Awful Moth"
First appearance: Strip 1193
Last appearance: Strip 1924
Joshua[]
Joshua "The Reader"
Secret skill: Persistence, podcasts, (not)peppermint tea?
Secret weapon: Mad inheritance!
His secret: He's not quiet, just selectively verbose.
First appearance: Strip 1194
Last appearance: Strip 1950
Fiona[]
Fiona (Jamie's sis)
First appearance: Strip 1288
Last appearance: Strip 1527